1. Match the persons sensory modality
People like to have relationship with those who think and behave like themselves, or even with those who have similar background. Matching and mirroring the way others think and talk is a good way to build rapport with them.
There is a slight difference between mirroring and matching. Mirroring is quite similar to looking into a mirror. The time difference between the actions of both parties is negligible. However, in matching you would have to wait for your turn to repeat the action of the other party.
Take note of the indicator words that the person is using and use words/phrases from the same modality. Also, look out for eye movements to spot thinking patterns.
2. Mirror the persons Physiology
Have you ever noticed that a group of teenagers who are friends bear similarities in their clothing, vocabulary and movements? People who are in rapport have a tendency to dress in a similar way or have matching body language.
Mirroring the physiology of someone you’re talking to can make him/her feel comfortable. Copying the person’s posture, facial expressions, hand gestures, movements and even their eye blinking, will cause their body to say unconsciously to their mind that this person is like me!
3. Matching their voice
You should match the tone, tempo, timbre and the volume of the person’s voice. If the person is slow and deliberate, he will feel comfortable if you are the same way. You should also try, when you speak, to use the keywords that they use a lot.
For examples: “Alright”, “Actually”, “You know what I mean”
If there is a big difference in the breathing pattern of two people in conversation, both of them would feel uncomfortable. If you want to build rapport with someone, you need to match the rhythm of breathing of the other person by moving your foot or finger at the same pace.
5. Matching how they deal with information
Different people deal with information differently. Some are detail oriented and some prefer it brief. You need to match the other person’s way of dealing with information.
If you get this wrong you will find it very difficult to build rapport as the detailed oriented person will be yearning for more information and the other type of person will soon be yawning!
6. Matching common experiences
Suppose, you are a long way from home and met someone, who is a total stranger, and discovered he is from your own hometown. Before long, you will find yourself in a very lively conversation with the guy, looking for experiences in common.
Consider the opposite case. You are in a restaurant and everybody at your table has been served their food but you. How do you feel? Out of place?
This is all about finding some commonality. If both parties have matching experiences, interests, backgrounds, values and beliefs, they have greater chance to be in rapport.
One point to bear in mind is that you need to be subtle when you are matching and mirroring. Be careful not to exceed the limits. Typically, however, the other person will not notice it.
You can develop your ability to observe other people to such an extent that you will begin to see and even predict people’s reactions to communications. This is known as calibration and is a way of determining whether you are in rapport with someone.
Feel free to add your own experiences in below.
As always,
MY GOAL – YOUR SUCCESS!
