Identify all the reasons you have for saying “NO.” Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, versus a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.
§ It’s beyond your means?
§ It’s beyond your comfort level?
§ You have no interest?
What would happen if you said yes? Perhaps:
§ You would be considered a team player.
§ It would make your boss happy.
§ Your visibility with higher-ups would be improved.
It’s comes down to a simple cost/benefit really.
The role of guilt
Saying “NO” is hard for many of us. Guilt often comes into play. Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often recognize it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon our guilt.
Saying “NO”
You’ve made the decision after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis -- go ahead and say “NO”. Say it clearly, and self-assuredly...in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye, and do it. Just say “NO.”
Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with. Then go and say “NO.”
After you say “NO”
If you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? After all that practice you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it!
They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request. Be prepared for this! Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do?
Revisit the questions you asked yourself before—what would happen if you said no, or yes? If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns.
Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further. If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.
Use effective body language
When saying “NO”, remember the power of non-verbal communications. Look the person in the eye when you say the “NO”. Shake your head at the same time as saying “NO”. Stand up tall and use a firm tone in your voice.
When all is said and done
Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, you are perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you?” No-one should be pressurized into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts.
It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.
Saying NO exercise
Practice makes perfect as they say! What I would like you to do for the next 7 days is to start to say “NO” more often. So whether it is the double glazing salesman, the cold call, “Would you like fries with that?” or the shop assistant – practice saying “NO” to one person for at least the next 7 days.
You will be an expert come the end of the week!
The benefit
§ You will feel much more confident and proud.
§ You will find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
§ Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
§ You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
§ You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
§ The list goes on from there…
As always,
MY GOAL – YOUR SUCCESS!
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