How To Confidently Say “NO” and Mean It!

How can you confidently respond when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate? 

Identify all the reasons you have for saying “NO.”  Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, versus a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.

§  It’s beyond your means?

§  It’s beyond your comfort level?

§  You have no interest?

What would happen if you said yes?  Perhaps:

§  You would be considered a team player.

§  It would make your boss happy.

§  Your visibility with higher-ups would be improved.

It’s comes down to a simple cost/benefit really. 

The role of guilt

Saying “NO” is hard for many of us. Guilt often comes into play. Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often recognize it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon our guilt. 

Saying “NO”

You’ve made the decision after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis -- go ahead and say “NO”. Say it clearly, and self-assuredly...in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye, and do it.  Just say “NO.” 

Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with. Then go and say “NO.”

After you say “NO”

If you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? After all that practice you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it! 

They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request. Be prepared for this!  Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do? 

Revisit the questions you asked yourself before—what would happen if you said no, or yes? If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns. 

Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further. If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective. 

Use effective body language

When saying “NO”, remember the power of non-verbal communications. Look the person in the eye when you say the “NO”. Shake your head at the same time as saying “NO”. Stand up tall and use a firm tone in your voice.

When all is said and done

Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, you are perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you?” No-one should be pressurized into giving an immediate answer, even if the delay is only a couple of minutes. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts.

It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

Saying NO exercise

Practice makes perfect as they say! What I would like you to do for the next 7 days is to start to say “NO” more often. So whether it is the double glazing salesman, the cold call, “Would you like fries with that?” or the shop assistant – practice saying “NO” to one person for at least the next 7 days.

You will be an expert come the end of the week!

The benefit

§  You will feel much more confident and proud. 

§  You will find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes. 

§  Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.” 

§  You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place. 

§  You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in. 

§  The list goes on from there…

As always,

MY GOAL – YOUR SUCCESS!

How to Gain Confidence by Managing your Time

Do you always seem strapped for time? Do feel that you can never fit everything you want to do in a day?

Having more time is one of the most precious and sought after resources we have. When we feel in control over our time we have more confidence.

The subject of time management could take up a whole series of blogs to fully explain, that is why I would recommend someone like a Life Coach to help you with this. http://www.martincrous.com

Everyone has the same amount of time. Yet the real winners in life are those that know what they have to do and when and how to do it. So, how can we get more time?

Let’s take a look at some of the vital factors that we must consider when allocating our time.

The first thing that we have to do is to identify how we are spending our time at the present - both at home and at work.

What I would like you to do is write out the tasks or activities that you must do in order for you to achieve the objectives of your job or at home. 

These could include work tasks such as meetings, appraisals, E-mails, documentation and the like. Home activities could include cleaning, cooking, shopping, time with the children or watching television. Write all of them down.

After you have identified what you have to do, the next step is to schedule your work and activities. In order for you to schedule your work you need to know two things.

1.    You will need to know how long you will want to spend on a particular task -- this is determined by how important the task is.

2.    You will have to know how soon you have to get the task completed -- this is determined by how urgent the task is.

Now, important and urgent are not the same.  An urgent task is not necessarily important.  It may be urgent but trivial. A good rule of thumb is to remember that the tasks and activities you have written will nearly always be important ones. 

The unimportant tasks are usually known as reactive tasks. These are the everyday running problems that have to be dealt with to keep things ticking over -- for example, answering the telephone and responding to E-mails.

For successful time management you must have in your possession a diary. Once you have worked out the tasks that you have to do and their relative importance, the next step that you have to do is to schedule these activities into your diary.

In your diary, block out time for certain tasks. Also allow time for reactive tasks and regular duties -- let people know when you are available; also allow time for reviewing and planning at the end of each day.

Scheduling out time for planning is essential on a daily basis. This should be done at the end of the working day or at night for your home duties. Within this time for planning you should draw up your schedule and also a TO DO list for the next day using the techniques that I have already mentioned.

Cross out each activity as you complete them and make sure that you complete them all. I actually use and find that visual work planners are an excellent tool to use. 

Here are some time saving techniques you can do to give yourself more time. 

Firstly, by doing less you can increase more of your available time. I see so many people who are snowed under with their workload and agenda, these people never seem to have a minute to spare and just take on more and more work.

Let’s have a look at some of the things that you can do. The first and most important question you can ask yourself is this:

Can I delegate certain activities?

You can reduce your workload by getting other people to do it for you.

You can also discourage unnecessary meetings, don’t take work home, don’t take responsibility for other peoples problems and don’t become bogged down with detail. 

These are some of the things that you can do to free up some of your time, but one of the most important things that you can do is just by saying NO to certain requirements and requests that are asked of you.

It is such an easy word to say in theory, but too many people don’t use it in practise.

Secondly, another excellent time saving technique is by working faster and by reducing the time for particular tasks. 

Ensure deadlines are set and adhered to, keep your communications concise, and take the most important tasks when you are alert -- it is more time efficient and productive. Learn how to conclude meetings and conversations ensure meetings are run promptly and on time -- there are many others.

Another technique to reduce time is by working more effectively. Make sure that you plan your work, establish clear objectives, set priorities, be realistic, draw up TO DO lists daily and weekly, make efficient use of a diary, plan meetings and plan agendas.

The time management techniques that I have just described will start you off in your quest to control every aspect of your life and, once you have control over your time, you will perform more effectively and have greater enjoyment in your life.

As always,

MY GOAL – YOUR SUCCESS!

How to Get Motivated By Serving Others.

While it’s natural to set goals that will benefit you and your life, making it your mission to contribute something of value to the world is one of the best motivators of all time.

Self-sacrifice is not necessary in this scenario either. Find a way to serve others AND make your own life better at the same time. It’s very easy to do and when you find the right combination to achieve this, you will be awed and amazed at how quickly your dreams will be realized.

The magic in this is when you see the powerful way your contributions affect others around you, you’ll never have a shortage of motivation again – in fact, you’ll probably have to guard against burnout because you’ll become so addicted to the feeling of making a powerful difference in the world.

As always,

MY GOAL – YOUR SUCCESS!